Gripe Poems

ebankstrevor
May 13, 2015
3 min read

Here I will post poems about things that bother me, so if you don't want to hear belly-aching in rhyme then skip this one. For me, it's a cleansing . We we were children, my mother gave us castor'oil or a herbal tea at least once a month to "clean us out". Thank goodness children are no longer put through that! However, getting things off your chest (or your stomach) that upset you, can make you feel better.

BANK ROBBERY I am fairly honest And about this I'll be frank Why is it a crime for me to go and rob a bank? Yet on the other hand, in all honesty It isn't a crime for the bank to be robbing me! If I were to try it They'd lock my butt in jail But they do it every day Without even one siren's wail!

If I deposit a hundred dollars and leave it there I'm lucky to get one cent interest For the whole darn year! The bank thinks that is plenty So they take one hundred and twenty In dollars that's their fee For keeping my one hundred Safe and secure for me

Then you come along And borrow what is really mine You'd better not be late in paying back Or they'll charge you a fine! You pay each month faithfully Because you are honest too At the end of the loan You've repaid not one hundred but two!

They don't even try to justify Their heinous crime They just take your money And blame it all on Prime! The police should catch him And shoot him in the head We'll all be better off When Prime Rate is dead!

They can take their one cent and stick it

Where, I'm too polite to say But may it never, ever See the light of day As for me, I'll take my measly hundred And stick it under my bed I won't get their stinking one cent But I wont be in the red!

DEMON CREDIT Now you're not going to believe me I'll be surprised if you do But I swear on my credit card That every word is true!

Just the other day I got a letter It arrived in my post box And when I opened it I got quite a few shocks

I could have another credit card One made of gold Emerald or platinum Or so I was told

All I had do Was go into one of their banks And ask for Miss Penny Payupnow Or Ms. Badcredit Ranks

Oh, I forgot to tell you Perhaps I shouldn't tell But the letter bore a postmark It was postmarked Hell!

So I'm sitting in the bank Across from Penny Payupnow She looking like a cross between Lady Gaga And a character from the Twilight Saga Me? I'm the sacrificial cow

I should have known That I was headed for distress By the horns she tried to hide With her hair And the tail poking out From underneath her dress

"Sign here, please," As she handed me a knife "It has to be in blood, It's our money, our money for your life!"

She handed me the card And it grinned like the Cheshire Cat Penny grinned also With teeth long and sharp Like a vampire bat

I looked at the card And wondered if my eyes were playing tricks The number on it was Thirteen, a dozen zeros followed by six,six, six!

I put it my pocket And headed for the door Then I heard a munching and crunching That I've never heard before

Something bit me sharply Right on my butt I thought it was the bank dook Slamming shut

But when I looked in my back pocket It had eaten all my cash My wallet, my family photos And my secret stash!

I tried to return it But Penny said "Ah, well! If you do that, Sir Your credit rating will go straight to Hell!"

So I took it home And you won't believe What happened next But if you don't believe Just ask, my dog Rex!

Rex started yelping And acting rather spastic Latched on to his neck Was that blood-sucking Piece of plastic!

I pulled it off I had to, to save poor Rex It looked at me and grinned And said, "You'd better start running "Cause you're next!' And it doesn't matter how hard you try I wont stop Until I've sucked you dry!